Summer of Learning 2019 #10 Leadership Thinking via @BreneBrown Dare to Lead takeaways
– I appreciate that Brené walks her talk. When a question was raised about her Daring Classrooms project https://brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms/
she did what she said leaders should do. Own it. And by focusing on having more diverse lenses taking a look at the resources, the original intent and values of the project should remain the focus!
These takeaways are from the book and are what resonated with me as I prepare for the second year at my current school – knowing we have some significant retirements upcoming; and that we are so close from having so many students we need to open another division (not for the sake of smaller class sizes, I know from reading and from experience that it ain’t the numbers of the kids but the kids in the numbers – aka complexity – that makes important differences!
But a blend of certainties and uncertain wonders gave me good thinking as I read the book and some parts particularly resonated with me. Thank you Brené!!
My key takeaways
We should never underestimate the benefit to a child of having a place to belong – even one – where they can take off their armour. It can and often does change the trajectory of their life.
To love is to be vulnerable.
Myth: vulnerability is a weakness
We need to trust to be vulnerable and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust.
“Say more” as a rumble tool to get to deeper thinking. Built off Coveys “seek first to understand then to be understood”
Vulnerability for vulnerability’s sake is not effective, useful nor smart.
Clear is kind; unclear is unkind
Shame cuts hard. Too often we see sickness as weakness – not in others, it’s human and we will support and help, but so often in self sick equals lazy (physical or mental health)
Neuroscience confirms that the pain and feelings from rejection and shame are as real as physical pain. Emotions hurt.
Guilt: I did something bad
Shame: I am bad
Empathy is a choice.
Skill 1: to see the world as others see it, or perspective taking
(We cant take our “lenses” off and wear someone else’s – it’s more like you can add a filter…)
“Tell me more…”
Skill 2: to be nonjudgmental
Skill 3: to understand another persons feelings
Skill 4: to communicate your understanding of that persons feelings
(3&4 are linked as key parts of ‘active listening’)
Emotional literacy – being able to recognize and name between 30 and 40 emotions in ourselves and others
Skill 5: mindfulness (aka paying attention – though I add presence and hyper-attention to this – to others AND self)
Miss 1: sympathy vs empathy
(Why “me too” works better than “poor you”)
Miss 2: gasp and awe
Miss 3: might fall
Miss 4: block and tackle
Miss 5: boots and shovel
Miss 6: if you think that’s bad….
Good phrases (as long as they’re authentic)
Oh man. I feel you.
I know that feeling and it sucks.
I see you. You’re not alone.
I’ve been in a similar place and it’s really hard.
I think a lot of us experience that. Either we’re all normal or we’re all weird. Either way, it’s not just you.
I understand what that’s like.
Learning needs to be effortful; desirable difficulty – the same way a muscle ‘burns’ in a good way during a workout. (Me: Aka vygotsky zone of proximal development)
Professional values are not different from personal ones. We don’t shift our values based on context.
And there is a big list. But realistically you need to whittle the list to two core values.
(Me: creativity & dignity)
Values of Brene Brown Education and Research Group
Serve the work
Take good care
Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
Sometimes you have to “move the rock” -story on pg 216- stop kicking it and reassign it/them to a position where a contribution can be made (me: not getting rid of, but assuming positive intent. I have seen struggling teachers thrive…in a different environment- we can’t pretend that can’t happen!)
We assume the thinking “I am doing the very best I can right now”
Interesting: more people believe they’re completely trustworthy yet trust only a handful of their colleagues. The math doesn’t work.
BRAVING inventory process
You’ve got to practice landing before you jump out of the plane. Do we practice enough?
If you don’t have the skills to get back up, will you risk falling?
Another breathing technique:
Inhale through nose for a count of four
Hold in breath for a 4 count
Exhale through mouth for 4 count
Hold empty breath for a 4 count
Great read a fortnight before school reopens!