Day 15 (of 186) On grudges
Had a couple conversations that were weirdly connected: one had to do with allegiances to sports teams, another around individuals.
I still can’t forgive Joel Otto for kicking the puck in the net against the Canucks back in ‘88. It helps justify why I only root for teams on the “correct” side of the Rockies #westcoastbias And yes, that means as @jerryseinfeld says, we are rooting (and holding grudges) for laundry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we-L7w1K5Zo
I also support @billsimmons view on team loyalty from when the Internet was young: http://www.espn.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/020227
I admit that sometimes find it harder to not carry grudges with adults, because we should know and do better (yes, I am aware of the hypocrisy in this as I should be modelling this better). But when somebody does or says something that goes against my personal beliefs and understanding on the way things should be, it’s hard not to “neither forgive nor forget”.
But I also know I can’t (and won’t) have these stupid grudges for my students. I focus on having a growth mindset each day because that is what they deserve. And I saw this early on in my career: when each day (or in some classes block after a break) can be a ‘fresh start’, it enables learning to move forward. If anything, I prefer to focus on what was happening before whatever was identified as leading up to the grudge (usually insults or destruction of work or refusal/oppositional defiance) to see what the precursors may have been. AND knowing that once those precursors went away, the student may be authentically ready to start learning again…with or without punishments and consequences….much as learning should be personalized, how we “hold” grudges should be as well…in the words: be hard on the issue, soft on the person.
I think I’ve learned over the years how to not take ‘things’ personally and be able to focus on treating people and problems with dignity and respect.
A statement I read that helps me:
Inappropriate intensity about things that really don’t matter
How many things do we hold against other people that really don’t matter…..even though they may be annoying and/or frustrating….When focusing on how to handle all relationships (which can be positive or negative at different points in time) with dignity and respect, as part of a culture of trust and where win-win decisions are always sought, even in times of hardship and consequence. Maybe especially in those cases if we follow beliefs of reconciliation and restitution. I think I’m doing a better job the more I think about this….
Hmmmm……Maybe I could become a Flames fan…..